It was a hollow and, in my view, insincere cheer that greeted Timothy’s request for a ‘cheer for the camera’ as we crossed the line.  The last two days of racing were soul destroying.  Having battled to first place we were all (I think) extremely disappointed to watch one boat after another overtake us as they sailed south.

We were in a wind hole.  We had been deliberating whether to go south with H&H etc but if the race went on past the second gate a move south would be disastrous.  The joys of not knowing where the finish is. Thank you Clipper. By the time the finish was announced we simply had no wind and could not change our tactics.

Anyway, what has followed has been almost continuous motoring.  The boat has turned into some sort of bus or train.  It is in some ways simply a means of getting us to the next race start.  As we motor along we have been extremely busy doing continuous maintenance and preventative sail repair etc. The boat is immaculate and we are proud of it. In some ways the very process of being disciplined enough to just proceed to the waypoint and use every minute to make the boat as perfect as possible is very disciplined. Yet to look around the deck one could be forgiven for thinking some are on a cruising holiday as those off-watch lie on deck sunbathing/reading.  Far too hot to be below. We heard yesterday that we are going in to Costa Rica today for fuel before arriving at the Panama Canal on 14th.  Bring on the next race.  It’s going to be hard upwind sailing and I am ready for it. In fact, I think we all are.

I think I always need a goal.  Do we all?  Not sure. As soon as the race was over I consoled myself with the fact that we could use the time spent motoring to the canal to get the boat ready for the next race. It wasn’t even the fact that this would obviate us having to do it whilst in port. I honestly wouldn’t mind. It was the fact that there were enough jobs to keep us busy that was reassuring. I seemed to be counting the days but planning them out so that they are filled. Slightly bizarre feeling since I usually dream of having even a moment of spare time. I am completely engrossed in racing this boat.

Chatting to the others is instructive. Some are disappointed about the loss of wind but simply because that meant a shortened stopover in Jamaica. I wouldn’t mind if we sailed right past. Not sure why. Having detected my constant need to be busy I wonder whether my permanently busy state in ‘real life’ is in fact self-made? I have therefore recently tried to relax here and just enjoy the journey. My goal for the next week or so is just to enjoy it for its own sake.  Not sure if that is possible.  I think I’ll go crazy if I have nothing to do. But I think being happy to just ‘be’ is a skill I should learn.  Here goes.